fbpx
Menu

fear

thoughtful woman

Identifying and Overcoming Your Self-Limiting Beliefs (part 1)

, , ,

Have you ever known someone who always seems to come up just a little short of their goals? Have you ever observed someone who is deeply committed to accomplishing something, and they come right up to the point of success, only to have something go wrong at the finish line time and time again?

Maybe that’s exactly how you feel.

Life coaches see this pattern quite frequently—in fact, it’s one reason why a lot of people seek out a life coach. Career coaches like me use life coaching techniques to create a mindset of success for their clients—but that doesn’t mean it’s not challenging for some. Over and over, we watch people come up to the point of breakthrough, only to fall just short—to effectively snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Sometimes, it’s a subtle change of heart or a loss of confidence; other times, it’s outright self-sabotage.

Why?

I don’t want to dive too deeply into what we call “power of mind” here, but in a manner of speaking, that’s what we’re dealing with. These people I’m describing aren’t suffering from bad luck, or any luck at all. They’re biggest resistance is in their own minds—something we call self-limiting beliefs.

What Do We Mean by Self-Limiting Beliefs?

I’m not speculating here as to whether the mind has the power to alter physical reality, as some people believe mentalists can do. What I can say is that belief is a powerful thing, and when we believe something strongly enough, we begin to shape our own reality around that belief. We fulfill our own prophecies because we believe them.

In other words, if you believe you always get the short end of the stick…you’ll reinforce that belief every time makes you feel that way, and before long, that’s all you’ll see.

If you believe something you desire is too much for you, or that you somehow don’t deserve it, you’ll subconsciously do something to keep yourself from attaining it—no matter how much it hurts not to have it.

If you believe you can’t get the resources you need in order to succeed, you’ll remain stuck—not because you couldn’t actually get those resources, but your beliefs won’t allow you to try.

If you believe you don’t have what it takes to succeed in business…you’ll probably fail.

See what I mean? These are self-limiting beliefs—the things you believe about yourself that stop you from pushing past the threshold into something new. Even though you may desperately want the thing you don’t believe you can have.

What Beliefs Are Holding You Back?

I’d like to invite you to do a little exercise for yourself, though it might be a little difficult at first. Do a little soul-searching and try to identify some self-limiting beliefs that you may hold about yourself. They may have nothing to do with your career or your job—they probably have more to do with your desires as a person. So start there; try to jot down at least three or four negative things you believe about yourself (there may even be more). They might sound something like these:

  • I’ll never be ____ enough. (pretty, strong, smart, wealthy, etc.—fill in the blank with your own word)
  • I won’t find a soulmate.
  • I’ll never be able to afford to go back to school.
  • I can’t convince anyone that I’m good enough.
  • I don’t have enough talent to compete.
  • I don’t have enough confidence.
  • Taking risks never works for me.

Again, this won’t be an easy assignment, but trust me, it’ll get better. Make this list, set it aside, and in the next post we’ll revisit this list and talk about some ways you can overcome these self-limiting beliefs.

girl-1064658_640

Job Search Anxiety: Putting Fear into Perspective

, , ,

In our previous post, we talked a bit about how to deal with the sense of panic that sometimes accompanies our need for a new job or career. Let’s tie into topic by talking a little about something I call “job search anxiety”—that underlying sense of worry that we deal with when we’re between jobs. Think of panic as fear on steroids—that thing that provokes the adrenaline rush, the fight-or-flight instinct we all have. But if panic is a raging fire, anxiety is a slow burn. It’s that unsettled, simmering fear and nagging worry that come from our uncertainty about the future.

Anxiety has a way of dominating our thoughts and presenting itself as a looming threat—to the point that it’s easy to be distracted away from other things we ought to be doing. (Like looking for a job, for instance.) In times like these, it’s helpful to put the anxiety into perspective—to contextualize it, if you will, in relation to the world around you and the other facets of your life. Doing this helps the worry become more manageable so it doesn’t loom quite as large in your view.

The Science and Statistics of Worry

For starters, let’s take a look at a few key facts about our fears and worries, and how they actually play out in real life. Consider the following:

  • Most of our fears never come to pass. Author Don Joseph Goewey points out that statistically speaking, 85 percent of the things we fear never happen. (The percentage of times they happen in the “worst case scenario” is even less.) And even when what we fear does happen, 79 percent of us find we can handle the bad situation better than expected, or that we learned an important lesson from it. Crunching the numbers, that means there’s a 3 percent chance that your worst fears will come to pass in the worst possible way, with no redemptive value. (Does that give you a little perspective?)
  • We worry more about things that are less likely to happen. Fear is irrational; it doesn’t base itself on facts or actual probabilities. For example, most of us have no problem driving or riding in a car, but we might fear getting on an airplane because of all the sensational news reports about plane crashes and fatalities. Yet by the numbers, you’re actually safer in an airplane flying at 500 mph with no nearby traffic than you are driving on the street at 30 mph surrounded by other vehicles. We’ll avoid going to public events for fear of a terrorist attack, but we’ll readily smoke a cigarette known to cause death by lung cancer (ironically, for the purpose of calming our nerves). Do you see the inconsistency?

So…we worry about things that won’t happen, or we worry about the wrong things in general. In short…worry is a waste of time!

So how do we manage worry? Many of the techniques I mentioned about controlling panic will also apply here. The important thing is not to let worry and anxiety stop your momentum, especially when looking for a job. Stop wasting time worrying about what will happen if you don’t find work. Statistically speaking, the odds of finding meaningful employment are very much in your favor just by the act of looking.

That means if you let worry slow you down, you’re actually betting against yourself.

stress-2379631_640

Relax! 4 Tips to Remove the Panic Factor from Your Job Search

, , ,

Let’s be real for a minute. When you need a job…you need a job. That need is real, and in many cases, time is of the essence. When you need a job and don’t know where to find one—or if your job search isn’t moving forward as quickly as you need it to—it’s very easy for panic to set in. How am I going to pay my bills? What happens if I run out of money? Where do I look next? 

I get it. I’ve been there. Most of us have been there at one time or another.

But here’s the problem: Even though the fear is natural, it can also work against you when you bring it into your job search. When you approach your job hunt in a state of panic, the desperation shows. Prospective employers can pick up on it when you interview with them, which can be a turn-off. (Employers like to see confidence.) The fear can also prompt you to take the first job offer you get, even though it might not be the right fit or provide enough pay. If you left your previous position because you hated your job, what good does it do you to jump right into another job you hate?

Here’s the reality: Panic causes us to make bad decisions. In fact, the worst things we do as people are the things we do out of fear. That’s not how you need to approach things when you’re looking for a new job or career.

So…how do we remove the panic factor from the job search? Let’s explore five techniques that can help.

1. Practice relaxation and mindfulness.

In our increasingly stressful world, many people are turning to various forms of mindfulness techniques to maintain a sense of mental balance. Find a practice that fits your life, then practice it daily. It could be an aromatherapy bath, a subscription to a mindfulness app like Headspace or Calm, a walk in the park to clear your head or a combination of these. One exercise I recommend to many of my clients is a simple deep breathing exercise: Take a deep breath, hold it for four counts, release it for four counts, then repeat seven more times. This practice helps induce a sense of calm, sends more oxygen to your brain to clear your mind and brings you into the moment.

How you choose to practice mindfulness doesn’t matter so much as that you do it. Just add some sort of mindfulness practice into your daily routine. You’ll find the panic and fear much more manageable.

2. Exercise.

Jogging. Lifting weights. Yoga. Pilates. Zumba. Sex.

Seriously.

Doing things that temporarily elevate your heart rate and require effort from your muscles will release chemicals into your blood stream that help relax you and alleviate anxiety. Not to mention that any form of strenuous physical activity provides a temporary diversion, pulling you far enough away from the crisis at hand to give you a little more perspective.

3. Talk to someone.

For many people, the simple act of “talking it out” helps alleviate the fear. You can sometimes do this with a trusted friend who can remain supportive without taking on your fear. In other situations you might even want to visit a counselor or therapist to deal with the anxiety. Either way, it just helps not to be alone in it.

4. Make a plan.

One of the most important things you can do to take the panic out of your job search is to put yourself back in control of the situation—and that starts with making a plan of action. This is where having a career coach can definitely come in handy. By breaking down the problem into actionable steps you will take to resolve it, you stop being a victim of change and you start taking the reins again—and in my view, there’s no better remedy for fear than that. Remember…finding yourself in between jobs or careers is nothing more than a sign of change. This is precisely why I tell my clients over and over again: Change happens. Take control!

If you would like help making a plan to navigate yourself into a new job or career, I’d love to be part of the process. For a free 30-minute consultation, simply fill out the contact form called “Get in Touch” on the right side of this page.