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Identifying and Overcoming Your Self-Limiting Beliefs (part 2)

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In our previous post, we discussed the idea of self-limiting beliefs—negative things we come to believe about ourselves that can cap, squelch or even sabotage our own success—both in our careers and in our personal lives. (If you’re just joining us, please read the last post to come up to speed.) We need to address these self-limiting beliefs because we act on what we believe. If you believe you won’t succeed, you won’t—and not only that, but if that belief is exceptionally strong, you’ll even subconsciously throw roadblocks in your own way to thwart your own success.

In the last post, I also asked you to come up with a list identifying some of your own self-limiting beliefs. Let’s now explore how we can methodically challenge and potentially reverse these beliefs. You can find self-help books addressing this topic in detail, and they each tend to use their own terminologies—but taken together, most of them boil the process down to the four or five similar steps. My own summary of the process is below.

 

1. Identify the belief.

You’ve hopefully already completed this step in the previous post by making your list. If not, I encourage you to stop here and do so.

 

2. Examine the belief.

Try to think back to when you first began to believe this negative thing about yourself. The journey backwards may go all the way back to a moment in childhood. What happened? What were the circumstances that led to that belief? What has happened since that reinforced that belief for you? Put the belief into context.\

 

3. Challenge the belief.

In virtually every case, self-limiting beliefs are false. They’re built upon some incorrect assumption that your mind has glorified to become gospel truth. When that kid told you that you were ugly at age 8, for example, it wasn’t true. He said that to feel better about his own brokenness, and it really had nothing to do with you. Despite every bit of evidence you’ve accumulated in your own mind to confirm that self-limiting belief, there’s plenty of other evidence that it’s not true that you’ve conveniently forgotten. Start scanning your past for that missing evidence. Look back in your memory at the starting point of that belief. What false assumptions did you assume were true back then? Recall moments from your own experience that actually fly in the face of that belief. For example, if you believe nothing will work out for you, try to recall several instances where something did work for you, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. If that belief isn’t true all the time, it isn’t true at all. Statistically speaking, I guarantee you that you’ve got stuff in your history that demonstrates that belief of yours is not true all the time. Dig into your past and find those moments, then use those instances to challenge your own existing belief.

 

4. Reverse/replace the belief.

Once you’ve identified the lie, it’s time to replace it with the truth. Just as you identified the self-limiting belief and put it in sentence form, create a new sentence or two that identifies the new belief. You may not be ready for a complete reversal yet—if so, just open the door for change. It may be as simple as changing one or two words from your original statement. If your self-limiting belief is “I’ll never be good enough,” for example, you might not be ready for “I’m damn straight good enough.” However, you are now probably ready to accept “I’m not good enough yet.” At least this opens the door for the possibility that you can become good enough, and it begins the reversal process. Eventually, you’ll be able to change it to “I am good enough.”

Other beliefs may be easier to reverse. For example, if you said, “Taking risks never works for me,” and you found some instances in your past where a risk actually paid off, that may be enough for you to eliminate that belief altogether. “Taking risks doesn’t work for me sometimes, but other times they do.” (In other words, you’ve got the same odds statistically as the next fellow. Bad luck doesn’t really follow you around.)

One more quick point: You may have to be intentional for a while in replacing that bad belief with a better one; after all, you’ve believed the wrong thing for some time. So make a point of purposefully reminding yourself of the new belief. Speak it out loud when you look in the mirror. Write it on a note card and put it by your computer. Remind yourself on purpose numerous times a day. It sounds cheesy, but it works.

 

5. Act on the new belief.

Now comes the hard part. (Oh, no, that other stuff wasn’t the hard part.) You must now purposely start acting like your new belief is true. Depending on how strong your limiting belief was, this may be akin to facing your greatest fear. But ultimately your success doesn’t come by believing alone—it comes by acting on what you believe. Start acting like you’re good-looking enough or smart enough when you get around people, no matter how self-conscious you may feel at the moment. Act with confidence at that job interview, even though you might not feel confident just yet. As things begin to work out in your favor—and they will, if you keep at it—this process will become less and less awkward as you begin to be more comfortable in these new, positive beliefs.

One last tip before we leave this topic: It’s okay to address your self-limiting beliefs one at a time. In fact, it’s probably not a good idea to tackle all of them at once. Try starting with the one belief that is either the most critical to your success or the one that you think will be easiest to reverse, and just get started. As you master one, pick another one on your list. Over time, you’ll begin to see your life changing for the better, your outlook will improve, you’ll experience more victories, you’ll land that job, you’ll start that business.

Whatever success looks like for you, it’s in your reach. The first step is to believe it.

thoughtful woman

Identifying and Overcoming Your Self-Limiting Beliefs (part 1)

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Have you ever known someone who always seems to come up just a little short of their goals? Have you ever observed someone who is deeply committed to accomplishing something, and they come right up to the point of success, only to have something go wrong at the finish line time and time again?

Maybe that’s exactly how you feel.

Life coaches see this pattern quite frequently—in fact, it’s one reason why a lot of people seek out a life coach. Career coaches like me use life coaching techniques to create a mindset of success for their clients—but that doesn’t mean it’s not challenging for some. Over and over, we watch people come up to the point of breakthrough, only to fall just short—to effectively snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Sometimes, it’s a subtle change of heart or a loss of confidence; other times, it’s outright self-sabotage.

Why?

I don’t want to dive too deeply into what we call “power of mind” here, but in a manner of speaking, that’s what we’re dealing with. These people I’m describing aren’t suffering from bad luck, or any luck at all. They’re biggest resistance is in their own minds—something we call self-limiting beliefs.

What Do We Mean by Self-Limiting Beliefs?

I’m not speculating here as to whether the mind has the power to alter physical reality, as some people believe mentalists can do. What I can say is that belief is a powerful thing, and when we believe something strongly enough, we begin to shape our own reality around that belief. We fulfill our own prophecies because we believe them.

In other words, if you believe you always get the short end of the stick…you’ll reinforce that belief every time makes you feel that way, and before long, that’s all you’ll see.

If you believe something you desire is too much for you, or that you somehow don’t deserve it, you’ll subconsciously do something to keep yourself from attaining it—no matter how much it hurts not to have it.

If you believe you can’t get the resources you need in order to succeed, you’ll remain stuck—not because you couldn’t actually get those resources, but your beliefs won’t allow you to try.

If you believe you don’t have what it takes to succeed in business…you’ll probably fail.

See what I mean? These are self-limiting beliefs—the things you believe about yourself that stop you from pushing past the threshold into something new. Even though you may desperately want the thing you don’t believe you can have.

What Beliefs Are Holding You Back?

I’d like to invite you to do a little exercise for yourself, though it might be a little difficult at first. Do a little soul-searching and try to identify some self-limiting beliefs that you may hold about yourself. They may have nothing to do with your career or your job—they probably have more to do with your desires as a person. So start there; try to jot down at least three or four negative things you believe about yourself (there may even be more). They might sound something like these:

  • I’ll never be ____ enough. (pretty, strong, smart, wealthy, etc.—fill in the blank with your own word)
  • I won’t find a soulmate.
  • I’ll never be able to afford to go back to school.
  • I can’t convince anyone that I’m good enough.
  • I don’t have enough talent to compete.
  • I don’t have enough confidence.
  • Taking risks never works for me.

Again, this won’t be an easy assignment, but trust me, it’ll get better. Make this list, set it aside, and in the next post we’ll revisit this list and talk about some ways you can overcome these self-limiting beliefs.

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Relax! 4 Tips to Remove the Panic Factor from Your Job Search

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Let’s be real for a minute. When you need a job…you need a job. That need is real, and in many cases, time is of the essence. When you need a job and don’t know where to find one—or if your job search isn’t moving forward as quickly as you need it to—it’s very easy for panic to set in. How am I going to pay my bills? What happens if I run out of money? Where do I look next? 

I get it. I’ve been there. Most of us have been there at one time or another.

But here’s the problem: Even though the fear is natural, it can also work against you when you bring it into your job search. When you approach your job hunt in a state of panic, the desperation shows. Prospective employers can pick up on it when you interview with them, which can be a turn-off. (Employers like to see confidence.) The fear can also prompt you to take the first job offer you get, even though it might not be the right fit or provide enough pay. If you left your previous position because you hated your job, what good does it do you to jump right into another job you hate?

Here’s the reality: Panic causes us to make bad decisions. In fact, the worst things we do as people are the things we do out of fear. That’s not how you need to approach things when you’re looking for a new job or career.

So…how do we remove the panic factor from the job search? Let’s explore five techniques that can help.

1. Practice relaxation and mindfulness.

In our increasingly stressful world, many people are turning to various forms of mindfulness techniques to maintain a sense of mental balance. Find a practice that fits your life, then practice it daily. It could be an aromatherapy bath, a subscription to a mindfulness app like Headspace or Calm, a walk in the park to clear your head or a combination of these. One exercise I recommend to many of my clients is a simple deep breathing exercise: Take a deep breath, hold it for four counts, release it for four counts, then repeat seven more times. This practice helps induce a sense of calm, sends more oxygen to your brain to clear your mind and brings you into the moment.

How you choose to practice mindfulness doesn’t matter so much as that you do it. Just add some sort of mindfulness practice into your daily routine. You’ll find the panic and fear much more manageable.

2. Exercise.

Jogging. Lifting weights. Yoga. Pilates. Zumba. Sex.

Seriously.

Doing things that temporarily elevate your heart rate and require effort from your muscles will release chemicals into your blood stream that help relax you and alleviate anxiety. Not to mention that any form of strenuous physical activity provides a temporary diversion, pulling you far enough away from the crisis at hand to give you a little more perspective.

3. Talk to someone.

For many people, the simple act of “talking it out” helps alleviate the fear. You can sometimes do this with a trusted friend who can remain supportive without taking on your fear. In other situations you might even want to visit a counselor or therapist to deal with the anxiety. Either way, it just helps not to be alone in it.

4. Make a plan.

One of the most important things you can do to take the panic out of your job search is to put yourself back in control of the situation—and that starts with making a plan of action. This is where having a career coach can definitely come in handy. By breaking down the problem into actionable steps you will take to resolve it, you stop being a victim of change and you start taking the reins again—and in my view, there’s no better remedy for fear than that. Remember…finding yourself in between jobs or careers is nothing more than a sign of change. This is precisely why I tell my clients over and over again: Change happens. Take control!

If you would like help making a plan to navigate yourself into a new job or career, I’d love to be part of the process. For a free 30-minute consultation, simply fill out the contact form called “Get in Touch” on the right side of this page.